27 December

1 hour ago, I was at the Doctor's Clinic. Appointment at 10 am.

I gained 0.5 kg instead of losing around 3 - 4 kilos for the last 2 cycle. Doc pun terkejut...Saya tak terkejut sbb mmg dah agk pun berat bertambah sbb saya makan je ape yg saya nk.

Doc explain the result of my blood test...as expected, hormon lelaki lebi banyak dr perempuan. Doc kata if hormon tak stabil selagi tu, bagi ubat ape pun, mcm tak guna. It's like giving clomid to a man!! it wont work. According to the result of the blood test , my Egg was release even before it matures, jadi, mmg mcm mana skalipun, ia takkan dapat disenyawakan.

The best way now is to make my hormone stable again. disebabkan saya skip makan ubat dan saya tak diet properly, saya kena makan lagi ubat ni untuk 1 lagi cycle.*padan muka*

oh lupa plak nk cakap, hari tu, a few day after menstrual period ends, saya pegi mengurut dekat sorang makcik ni, dia cakap, kdg2 org susah mengandung pasal kedudukan rahim yg tidak betul menyebabkan, sperms tidak dapat masuk dlm rahim. Menurut makcik ni, kalau kita make love, and air mani suami kite keluar dr vagina kita, memang takkan dapat anak.Kalau tak keluar langsung tu, harapan menjadi tu tinggi...

makcik tu bagi air penawar, dua dua kena minum, pastu bagi sireh dan pinang yag masih belum jatuh ke tanah, suruh kunyah dan air sireh tu sapu kat perut dan mengurut biasa lah..

Ape ape pun kite cube, cara mana yg berjaya, itu tak kesah. Harap harap hidup kita tak berdua lagi, kalau la takdir hidup kita berdua aje, MAKE MOST OUT OF IT ...Love You B

makin montel

I have been FAT my whole life, and I am okay with it!! I dont care what ppl think, I have difficulty finding clothes,but it doesn't bother me that much. I love food, esp those that contains Milk, Choclates, Cream dan semua yang seangkatan dgnnyer. Mane mane saya pegi pun, Doc bertauliah atau bukan, akan kata, part of the reason I am unable to conceive is because I am FAT.

My whole life, FATNESS never bother me, but this time, I am a bit worried. Doc Gave me Metformin to help me loose weight, but instead, I gain weight!! I am going to have to see doc again on DEC 27. Ape saya nk jawab kalau doc tanya kenapa saya tak kurus kurus! Doc kata, kalau Lemak yang cover ovari saya tak nipis, doc will have to DRILL the ovari. Sakit ke?? Sape pernah buat?

Doc ade bagi ubat DIANE 35. It is said to help me balnce my hormone. Recently, I discovered that it is a Birth control pill....terkanjatnyer masa tu!! buat ape nyer makan ubat perancang keluarga??? Rupa rupanye, ubat ni mmg pil perancang ttp dia ade dual role ; one is of course, birth control pill, the other one is for acne skin. It actually helps to regulate the hormone endrogen. Extra endrogen akan menyebabkan sesorang itu ade masaalah acne, oily skin and hair loss. So, preactically ubat ni adelah utk stabilkan hormon dlm pada masa yg sama sbgai birth control pill. So, whether I like it or not, I have to take it until the hormone is stable. If u girls are interested, u can google DIANE 35.

The fact that I am now taking Birth control pill doesn't bother me much, the side effects however is killing me. Side effects includes : Nausea (sgt la pening), abdominal pain ( x rasa sgt, tp sometimes u feel like there's something uncomfortable about ur tummy),bloating(YES sgt sgt)vomitting ( x ade la lagi),dizziness (terlalu mudah pening n rasa sgt moody) breast pain @ tenderness(sgt sakit.kalau org tersiku, kite rasa mcm nk siku kepala dia balik).Bila la saya akan stop makan ubat ni? Doc kata 2 bulan !! sgt merunsingkan!

Hari ini saya tak makan malam, susah nk jumpa hari hari yg saya tak makan malam. I have to loose weight because want to get pregnant, or even if saya kurus, ttp saya masih tak pregnant, saya boleh eliminate the gemuk factor yg selama ni menjadi salah satu punca utama saya tak pregnant. Persoalannya, boleh ke?

s a y a c u b a
janji yang sama setiap kali......

I think it's BULLSHIT

Orang tua tua banyak bercerita tentang pantang larang dan faktor faktor yang membuatkan seseorang itu susah dapat anak...tapi ade 1 cerita ni, yg saya baru dengar, kononnyer kalau kite bela kucing, atau duduk serumah dgn kucing, kita susah nak beranak sbb bulu kucing & pe'el kucing. Hah?? peliknyer.

Saya tak pasti betul ke benda ni, tp sorry to say to "those who believe it is so to be true", that I personally think that it's BULLSHIT!! Bagaimana, 1 makluk ciptaan tuhan, di sayangi Nabi Muhammad SAW, boleh dijadikan sebab musabab seseorang itu tak boleh mengandung?. Berjuta je org dalam dunia ni yang ade kucing, dekat dengan kucing, boleh je dapat anak.

Saya sayang kucing saya, waktu saya sedih, waktu saya bosan, dia lah yang menjadi penghibur saya. Kalau la benar kerana kucing  saya tak ade anak. So be it !!!

                                                    This is my baby and will always be

now WE wait

13 November 2010
Second day of menstrual period

this entry would not be long. I am tired but still I have to write

jumpa Doc sekali lagi, Doc amik sample darah to determine which hormone yg saya tak cukup.
For a time being, Doc ckp, saya kena betulkan hormone dulu sblm saya ke stage seterusnya.Doc cakap bila hormone dh stable, the chances of conceiving would be better.

I was given Diane 35, a hormone pil to be taken 3 weeks, gap for 1 week, continue again for 3 weeks together with the previous medcine to help reduce weight.

This time it cost RM 120 for Blood test and 86.30 for medcine.

I'll be seeing Doc again on December 27th. As for now, I need to take the medcine prescribed and hope for the best.

time is the essence, don't waste any

I am 23 days late.It's normal.I can go up to six months without period and 23 days not gonna scare me.

I, however, make a move today with no planning whatsoever. I called the hospital at 11.15am and make an appointment at 12 noon with Doctor Jaya Balan in Pantai Hospital, Ipoh.

While waiting for consultation, I met a couple who has been married for 5 years and had been trying almost everything including IUI twice. They had been travelling back and forth from KL to Ipoh just to see Doc Jaya Balan for almost a year now and the next possible step would be IVF that will cost around RM 20,000.00 with 90 % chances of conceiving. I can't imagine what my life would be if I have to wait that long, but she's one tough lady, and i might have to wait that long, or maybe longer: god knows.

After waited for almost 45 minutes, we finally meet the Doc. Told him about the previous 3 cycle that we tried with Dr Ng (Ipoh Fertility Clinic).

The Doc Dignosed :

1. Clomifeme (tablet I have been taking for the past 3 cycle) to help induce ovulation is a good medcine, however, it has a many side effects including,  making our uterus wall lining thinner: thus, even if the egg gets fertilized by sperm, the chances of the implantation of the embryo is low because of the thin lining of the uterus wall ( it need to be thick for the embryo to be embeded)

2. He also said, since clomifeme does not work very well, as for the next cycle, he's gonna prescribe a new kind of medcine that works similar to clomifeme, but better. OR . I can directly try IUI ( where sperm is injected directly inside the uterus)

3. After a thorough scan using the vaginal probe ( for those who feel uncomfortable @ shy , please see female Doctor), I found out that my uterus lining is very thick; meaning that I am going to get my period anytime soon and  there's a few immature eggs inside both ovaries and also a layer of "unwanted" thick fat around the ovaries making it hard for mature egg(s) to get out to the fallopian tube.

4. and I have very bad hormonal imbalance. Estrogen level is higher than Progesteron level (or either way, can't remember)

5. Doc said, as for this month, first I need to take Glucophage for 15 days to help reduce the fat circling my ovaries, reduce my appetite and help me loose weight.

6. If anytime soon, if I got my period, I should see the Doctor on my second day of period to monitor my hormone levels and figure out what should we do next.

It cost RM 40 for consultation and RM 33 for medcine. Suprisingly cheap for a private hospital. First impression of Doctor Jaya Balan : he has a gentle fatherly figure, sure does had lots of informations than the previous doctor and I have good faith in him.

The original plan was to start seeing any doctor next year;

but we figure, why waste time, we're gonna go anyway, might as well be NOW.

I am okay now ; maybe

For 11 months, the "baby" issue has never yet escape my mind. Its all I think about, all I talk about. Maybe if for another 6 years I still dont have a baby, I will think of the same thing everyday,talking about the same thing and crying over the same thing... maybe.OR maybe from now on, I need to learn to accept "things",be prepared for whatever coming.
Mama said,"banyak cara Allah bagi rezeki, DIA bagi lebih kat sini, kurang kat sana".

Every few days of so, I will hear of either people getting pregnant or people giving birth. Its becoming a routine now and if I am not strong enough, I will somehow, sink in my own emotions.

Last week, was the first week of my married life that "baby" wasn't an issue. Did I somehow managed to forget about it?

Ya Allah, we really want a baby...really really do, this is what we want; but If YOU have greater plans for us, please give us courage and patience to overcome what ever lies ahead. amin.

This Book was bought 8 months ago. It has lots of information. try it!!

June 2010, Ipoh fertility Clinic
We both went there. Consultation is fairly simple. Doc tanya bila kawin, brape kali make love in a week, ade history of any health problems ke, check condition rahim, check sperm, ect.Katanya, masih terlalu awal utk kiteorg jumpa doc sbb baru 6 months. Saya cakap, kalau period saya constant, mungkin saya pun tak jumpa doc . tp sbb period tak constant, sbb tu saya risau. Doc kata, org yang period regular akan ovulate every month.(meaning 12 times ovulation is a year) but because saya period 4 - 5 kali shj setahun, doc ckp saya ovulate hanya 4 -5 kali shj. Jadi chances to get baby tu low dan doc suruh saya kurangkan berat badan. ermm...jawapan saya sama setiap kali org suruh saya diet " I'll try my best". Doc prescribed a medcine call "Clomifeme" ade 5 biji kesemuanya. Ini adalah ubat utk membantu menstabilkan hormone dan mengeluarkan telur dan diambil setiap pagi diwaktu yang sama untuk 5 hari bermula dari hari period ke 2 atau 3. Ubat ni ade banyak side effect including if taken for more than 6 months can increase the risk of Ovarian Cancer. *idontcareiwantbaby*.Hari ke 9 @ 10 kena ke clinic balik utk check whether the ubat works on you or not. Cost: RM 49 for medcine and consultation and RM 90 for Sperm Check

July 3rd 2010, Ipoh fertility Clinic, Day 9th
Pergi ke klinik utk check sama ade ade egg follicle atau tak. YES. The medcine work on me! I was so happy. Doc bgtau bile the best time to make love and well, we try our best! doc bagi jugak ubat yg sama 5 biji in case I got my period next month........July 23rd, got my period!! adeh..tak pelah, makan lg Clomifeme for 5 days.(weight reduce 1 kilo)Cost RM 49 for Consultation

August 2nd, Ipoh fertility Clinic, Day 10th
Sekali lagi, saya mengeluarkan telur tp kali ini more than 2. Doc said it's not good sbb ia boleh menyebabkan multiple pregnancy.*idontcare*. Tp kali ni,instead of anticipating the possible ovulation day, I was given an injection. Function injection ini adalah untuk bagi telur di keluarkan pada hari dan waktu yg detail so that kita tahu the best time to make love. Injection ini diambil  on August 4, at 12 noon and the egg will be released into the fallopian tube in the next 36 hours. So, practically, chances to conceive is higher. I was putting my hope up high this time. Unfortunately, my period came on August 20, sedihnyer ....seperti biasa makan ubat untuk 5 hari dan datang ke klinik pada hari ke 9.(weight reduce 2 kilos)

August 30th, Ipoh Fertility Clinic
Kali ni agak berbeza. Egg Follicle is there, keluar dari ovari kiri. Doc was so happy sbb dia cakap, mengikut pengalaman dia, kalu telur keluar dr ovari kiri, mesti dapat baby. Once again, i put my hope high. ambil injection seperti biasa dan kali ini, doc tak bagi clomifeme untuk next month sbb doc komfem saya akan pregnant. So we try our very best this time.

September 16th , Kusadasi Turkey
Period pulak dah! masa saya period ni, saya berada di Turkey. Sedih yang teramat sangat. Kali ni, saya tak ade ubat untuk makan sbb doc tak prescribe ubat pun. Dan kali ni, saya rasa saya nk rehat dari pergi klinik. mungkin saya akan cuba balik lepas trip to korea early January.Mungkin..... saya kata pada diri saya, ini semua rezeki dr Allah dan rezeki saya belum tibe.

Setelah balik dari Turkey, saya berjumpa dengan Dr Ramesh ( our family doc) sbb darah saya rendah.. terlalu stress gamaknya. Saya cerita pd Doc Ramesh ttg usaha saya. Doc Ramesh kata pulak kawan dia in Pantai Hospital Ipoh is actually the best  fertility doc in Ipoh sbb success rate dia tinggi. Dia kata dia boleh make an appoinment for me to see that doc (DR Jayabalan) if i'm not mistaken. BUT, dia cakap "Emy, I know it's a very stressful situation when u r trying so hard to conceive. I recommend you, for 6 months, try not to think of that, enjoy your time together, just be happy. try to reduce stress, go on a holiday or something, it will come.trust me".

Here I am trying my best not to think of it, enjoy life together while we can. But, not I am now 3 weeks late and I AM NOT PREGNANT!!!!

***Blog ini dicipta khas untuk org seperti saya, yang masih mencuba. Semoga kita dapat bertukar pendapat dan pengalaman***

first entry

I always said to myself, " I would never have a blog". Well here I am.W R I T I N G.
My name is Emy, 26 years old, married for 11 months and is trying my best to get pregnant!!
So, much of everything you will read here will be about that.

6 months ago, when I first step foot in one of the fertility clinic in Ipoh, I thought " this is easy". Getting pregnant is not as hard as everyone says it is....but gosh I was WRONG.

In the next entry, I will disclose all the details of the visit(s) and how I end up with this blog.