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Saturday, June 2, 2012

saya sekarang

assalamualaikum.

nothing much happend since my last entry, but anyhow, cerita jugak lah sikit sikit dari diam aje kan. it is not easy to let go of something u want soooo much, but i managed to keep my emotional disturbance to the minimum. at least i am able to go to kenduri(s) and say " tak de, kiteorang honeymoon lagi ". at least i can look at babies and not want one sooo badly anymore, at least i can congratulate those who got pregnant and be truly happy for them , and the most important thing is that at least, i feel good about myself ,,, again.

not to say that i have completely erased all the hopes and dreams of becoming parents. i do think about it,and yes, i still cried, tapi tak macam dulu lagi lah. sikit sikit aje. mama pun cakap i am better now and i hope to keep it that way. but lately ade rasa macam nak sambung treatment, i am ready to give a little bit of effort, time and money to continue treatment but i am certainly not ready for another failure. another negative pregnancy test . no no no no . so this clearly means i am not ready. well just forget it *for now at least* as for now, i am happy just being me.

i am happy that i have a firm grasp on my career. i am a better boss and certainly a more productive and efficient "kuli" for the business. marriage has never been this good. we no longer quarrel over small matter. we depend on each other, we make each other laugh, kau usik aku, aku usik kau pasal dah tak de sape lagi nak usik ;-).

i am not saying that my life is perfect and sooo best sangat, no, we have our ups and down and that's what make us human. well this article helps me go through my difficult times.... please take time to read, maybe it could help you. those are the stories (inspirational stories) of people who chose a childfree life after battling with infertility

http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/DocServer/05_Childfree_Decision_Making.pdf?docID=5701

well, my battle isn't over yet,, it is just simply put on hold

4 comments:

Mrs.ShiZni said...

Tengok gambar emy kat FB, baru perasan saya dah lama tak jenguk blog ni. Rupa2nya saya terlepas baca 2 entry penting yang sangat signifikan ni.
Tiba2 terfikir plak....mcm best je emy boleh fikir camni....
Saya privatekan blog skrg, utk semua orang.
Sebab saya nak tulis apa yang saya marah kat orang semua tapi tanak kawan2 rapat dan family baca. Jaga hati lah kononnya.
Well I guess I just on a big denial now.
Emy. tolong pinjamkan tenang kamu tu sikit kat saya.

one BABY-step at a time said...

shida,

padan lah lama x de tulis ape ape dlm blog. emy ingat saje je sibuk ke ape.rupenye dah di"private"kan.

x de cara lain lagi nak kasi tenang lagi.smua dah cube tinggal mindset aje. baca article last dlm link emy bg tu.for a time being kena lah set kan otak mcm tu supaya hidup aman skit.

Nissa Kawaii said...

its ok... its not about give up..its just about time kn..insyaallah..sy doakan awak dan juga TTC lain mendapatkan ape yg diinginkan..
tiada didunia, mana tau di Sana nanti kn? :)
sama2 lah kite ea...

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